My class recently got done watching the CG version Beowulf, and I have to admit, I liked the movie.

Now initially I assumed I wouldn't, and I definitely didn't at first  . When I found out they made Angelina Jolie as Grendle's mother, and that the dragon was Beowulf's son, I just rolled my eyes and thought "Here we go..." I also hated the way they portrayed Grendle's character. I was expecting a blood thirsty, happy hating demon, but they made him look whiny and pathetic, only attacking them because they were loud. Despite this, I kept watching, and by the end of the movie, I realized the movie had something the old tale didn't have: realistic characters.

In the old tale, Beowulf was an all around hero. He came to save the people, did it three times, all with the precision and courage of a god. He even had his own story of killing 9 sea monsters, during swim race, then saving his opponent, and then winning! Overall, he seems like the perfect guy. Brave, strong, handsome, victorious. Reminds me of a certain someone...

Now obviously stories were different back then, so the Gary-Stu idea wasn't even existent, but when you look at it now, Beowulf could definitely a prime example. This is where the plot of the plot of the movie took it's turn.

In the movie, Beowulf was just as strong and handsome as in the tale. He bravely slays Grendle and brings back his arm as his trophy.
Then he faces Grendle's mother. Unlike in the story, this version has a sinister beauty, and Beowulf is faced with temptation. He manages to cover up his mistake for years, but his offspring with the demon is a dragon who comes to destroy his kingdom. Now he has to kill his only son, and face up to his mistake. It also gives a little info about him and his wife, who seemed to be on the rocks at the time.

So basically, I liked the movie because it showed what the real Beowulf would've been like had he exists. I still love the old tale, and will probably read it to my kids (when they're older of course), but the movie gave a view point that I rather liked.

So this past weekend was just awful.

As usual, I went to see Nick with Emma, Andrew, and Austin. We were planning on launching rockets and just generally hanging out. However, that day (Friday) was Nick's sister's birthday. So all of us went inside to say happy birthday to her. His sister (Mellisa) seemed upset, and his mom (whom I will refer to as Psycho Bitch) didn't seem all that thrilled to see us.

So we chilled outside his house for a bit, and before we left, he decided to ask Mellisa if she wanted to spend the day with him. He knew she would probably say no, but decided to ask anyway. But instead of letting things be, Psycho Bitch decided to answer for Mellisa, saying Nick was making it all about him and some other bullshit. So they got into an argument, and Psycho Bitch told us to go home. There was a lot of yelling though, so I wasn't about to leave him to that, so we stayed by Andrew's car, which was parked by Nick's house.

After about 20 minutes of hearing their dispute, Mellisa came out to the car, which automatically told me her mom was taking her somewhere. I saw that she was crying, and without really thinking, I went to make sure she was okay. When Psycho Bitch saw that we were still there, she got pissed again. So finally I left, but I managed to see him again later because he called and said Andrew needed to move his car. I tried so hard not to cry in front of him, but I couldn't hold it in. It felt so terrible because I was the one who should have been strong for him, not the other way around.

I can't even describe how I feel after that. It's this terrible mixture of hate, fear, aggression, and hopelessness. All I could do was sit and listen while his mother put him through hell.  And now she wants all of us who were there to apologize. I don't even know if I can even look at her again, let alone apologize for looking out for the people I care for.

Nick called me the next day and talked about possibly going for legal emancipation. As much as I would love for him to be free of all this, there's so many things to resolve. He's been to juvie before (running away), he doesn't have a job to support himself, and unless one of his friends parents agree to taking him in, he's got nowhere to go. Otherwise, he'd be going completely based on his mother being abusive, meaning he would probably end up in a group home goddess only knows where.

I would hope that if it does work out, he could maybe live with Austin or Justin, and maybe even get a restraining order against PB, in case she were to try to... i don't know, go after him or something. She's so fucking controling, I wouldn't be surprised.

I miss him so badly. All I want is for him to be happy, and away from all this shit, but at this point there's nothing I can really do except save up money and just be there for him when I can.

I'm so fucking sick of this

My moms coming back from Afghanistan in June, and we're trying to fix up the house for her. Why the fuck they're starting with my bathroom, I have no idea, since I'm the only one who ever goes in there.

They took my toilet. They took my mirror. They blockaded my shower. I HAVEN'T BATHED IN DAYS!!!

The only other shower in the house is in the bathroom that my dad and brother share, and it doesn't drain correctly. I'm not bathing in their filth. It's bad enough I have to use their toilet. Their whole bathroom is totally disgusting.

On top of that, I couldn't get my permit because, as usual, there was some reason why i couldn't take the test. This time, apparently Mrs Denise didn't have total legal guardianship over me because my mom never got the papers signed by a judge, so now my dad has to take off work to take me, which he probably won't be happy about. After that failure of a DMV trip, she decided to get our military ID's renewed, mainly because my brother needs it to get his asthma medicine. This went quicker than usual, but that gave me only a few hours to spend with my friends.

God damn it. I'm such a whiny bitch...

binge binge binge binge this oatmeal is fucking DELICIOUS!

My dad left popcorn in a bag on the counter. It's kinda stale. Why do I want to eat it so badly???

I really wish I could understand why food has become such a fucking issue with me. My brain has somehow created this fucked up logic that eating is a bad thing or something. And it doesn't happen all the time, just on occasion. Now I'm making veggie soup to try to replace old popcorn, and I'm so tempted to check the sodium content cuz i know it's loaded with it. And goddess forbid I check the calories and shit, cuz i know it will become a habit.

And I taste the food and it's so good, and I hate myself for liking it and wanting more, then I realize that's ridiculous, and i hate myself for hating myself for liking it...

God dammnit! I have been trying so hard to gain weight and I'm fucking it all up! I'm so sick of my hip bones jutting out, yet the idea of them being gone sparks an anxiety deeper than i usually feel. CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL FOR A CHANGE???

Sooooooooo, I went to the doctor the other day, and found out the reason I'd been in hideous amounts of pain and sickness for the past 4 days was because i has the flu... lovely. Four days of non-stop bed rest, with me too tired to even get up and do something interesting. So today I finally found that energy, but I still couldn't leave the house, and the internet (pretty much my only source of entertainment) died on me. Luckily I got my man over here and we had one of our mushy romantic times, which are always fun.


According to the doctors scales, I'm currently 108 lbs. Apparently that's about average for my height but i used to be like, 120 man! When I lost 10 pounds over 3 bad months of depression, I tried to gain it back. i thought I was doing ok, but....

All in all, though, not being bound to ones bed is a pretty good feeling... I'm hungry

WAAAAAAAH KEYBOARD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!!!!!

i got a new keyboard. It's pretty great. in fact, a lot of things are going good lately

Juggling and contortion practice are back on
I'm not failing at school
I've got a good idea for a future career (nursing)
The tiny sex life that I have is going quite well


Not too bad i guess.
Maybe now i can focus on other things
like driving :D

So the other day I found out that Kortez, one of the best makers of Youtube Poop, had his account deleted for reasons of which I am uncertain. When my brother found it out, we were sooooooo bummed. I still remember the first Poop of his that we watched: We Serve Liver Pizza (Krusty Krab Pizza Parody), staring Squidward and Spongebob's demonic voices. Then there are countless others, like The Frycook Gay Games, The Notorious Krabby Patty, and A Shocking Krabby Patty Exposé, which was so funny that we actually had to pause it before we choked and died from laughing. Needless to say, I really hope he finds a way back onto youtube. Otherwise, he will truly be missed.

Other than that, I am quite content right now. I found out that I have a B in Oceanograpy for this semester so far, and I'm working really hard to raise my other grades so that I can get into a nursing program next year  =D I'm kind of nervous, because they want your GPA to be at least 2.5, which I do not have (PHAIL!), but like I said, I'm working on it. I am so excited about it cuz I think I'd make a good nurse, they're in high demand, and they make decent pay. I'm not trying to be rich or anything, but not being poor would also be really nice.

Sooo apparently this site isn't blocked on the computers at my school. How fucking rad is that! Now maybe I can come here and post things, at least until i get a keyboard(a plan that is on a fast track to nowhere...)

I am officially a bit happier than i was 15 minutes ago.